This Domestic Violence Awareness Month, know the signs you could be in danger

Have you spotted purple ribbons hanging around the county? Each one represents peace, courage and survival and recognizes October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

The ribbons also show support for survivors and recognize those who have been lost to domestic violence, says Sandy Stevens of Crook County Family Violence.

“Domestic violence is prevalent in every community, including Crook County,” she says. “One in four women and one in seven men in the United States have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner.” 

It’s a fact that the COVID-19 pandemic has made things worse. According to Stevens, domestics in Crook County have increased significantly over the past few months and law enforcement has responded to more domestic-related calls, including more serious calls involving weapons.

Stevens explains that temporary closures and social distancing may have been effective ways to protect people’s physical health, but they have created safety risks for those who are experiencing abuse at home, or are in danger of it.

“The pandemic has created uncertainty in our everyday lives. An increase in stress and disconnect from social support systems can put a person at greater risk for violence at the hands of an intimate partner,” she says. “An abuser may also use the pandemic as a means to manipulate and keep a victim isolated from family, friends, and other resources.”

The chances are high that some members of this community are experiencing the first signs of an abusive situation, but it’s not always easy to recognize it’s happening. In many cases, abuse begins with subtle changes that increase in intensity over time.

Stevens uses a particular tool with those victims of domestic abuse who come to her confused and unsure if what’s happening to them really qualifies as abuse. It’s called the “Power and Control Wheel” and was developed by the National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence.

“This tool comes in handy when victims come to us and say, I just don’t understand what’s happening, am I going crazy? Is this normal?” she says. “We have the victims highlight all the tactics that their offender has used on them. Once they start highlighting, they come to realize that their partner has used tactics on them to maintain control in their relationship.”

Physical and sexual assaults (or threats to commit them) are the most obvious and recognizable forms of domestic violence, but an abuser may make use of other abusive behaviors to create a larger system of abuse. The wheel details a number of additional behaviors, including:

Coercion and threats – threats to harm the victim, leave them, commit suicide or report them to welfare, making the victim do illegal things.

Intimidation – making the victim afraid through looks, actions and gestures. Smashing things, destroying property, abusing pets, brandishing weapons.

Emotional abuse – putting the victim down, calling them names, making them think they are crazy, playing mind games, humiliating the victim.

Male privilege – treating a female victim like a servant, making all the big decisions, acting like the “master of the castle”, being the one to define a man’s and a woman’s roles.

Economic abuse – taking control of the family finances, preventing the victim from having a job, making the victim ask for money, giving them an allowance, refusing access to family income.

Using children – making the victim feel guilty about the children, using the children to relay messages, using visitation to harass the victim, threatening to take the children away.

Isolation – controlling who the victim sees and talks to, what they read and where they go. Limiting her involvement with outside persons. Justifying actions through jealousy.

Minimizing, denying and blaming – making light of the abuse and not taking the victim’s concerns seriously, saying the abuse didn’t happen, shifting responsibility onto the victim.

Says Stevens, domestic violence is a pattern of behavior and coercive control used by one person to maintain control over another. It commonly occurs in romantic relationships, but can also occur between family members.

A person’s age, race, gender, education level, sexual orientation, religion or economic status does not affect whether they are likely to become an abuser or a victim of abuse.

“If you are a victim of abuse, know you are not alone, and you don’t have to continue to live in fear,” says Stevens. “Crook County Family Violence can provide you with support and information about the options available to you.”

This includes crisis intervention, safety planning, emergency shelter, emotional support, referrals and assistance with filing orders of protection. All services are confidential and a 24-hour crisis line is available at 283-2415.